


It Hurts For Humans

by Name_Pending



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempted Sex, Bottom Castiel, Crying Castiel, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel, Happy Ending, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-02-01 02:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Name_Pending/pseuds/Name_Pending
Summary: His first thought is that it hurts. This is nothing like it was when he was an angel. He’s not sure he likes it so much now.





	1. Chapter 1

His first thought is that it hurts. This is nothing like it was when he was an angel. He’s not sure he likes it so much now.

It starts off the same as ever. Dean lies him down on the bed, gently, like so many times before. Their clothes are peeled away and hot, flushed skin meets and their arms wind around one another. It’s messy and slow and beautiful.

It’s different, experiencing this as a human. He’d been human before once and had his first real sexual encounter - albeit with a reaper who subsequently killed him - but that was with a woman. All his experience with men, with Dean, had happened while he was an angel.

Now he’s human and he’s finding that it’s not the same. Not the same at all.

When he was an angel, Dean’s scissoring had felt like teasing and foreplay; it hadn’t hurt a bit. As a human, it wasn’t the same. 

Dean worked one finger into him at the beginning, like always, and Cas was surprised to find that the motion was accompanied by a slight burn - he’d felt something like it before with Dean inside him, but never from a single finger. He’d ignored it, though, thinking that maybe it had just been a while. He’d been gone so long…

When the hunter works a second finger into him, however, the former angel realises that he’s wrong. It’s not just the length of time it’s been since their last roll in the hay, it’s the fact that he's human.

As an angel, his grace had protected him from the minor pain, he’d been too strong to feel anything but want and pleasure. As a human, his nerves send pain signals to his brain and his muscles protest the invading fingers. The stretch when Dean moves those fingers apart slightly - something he’d done so many times before - is enough to make him gasp.

The stretching stops immediately, and he hears his partner’s worried voice. 

“Cas? You okay?”

Cas keeps his eyes closed and nods, trying to keep the pain from showing on his face. He doesn’t want Dean to think that he’d hurt him, even though he had. The hunter hadn’t done anything that he hadn’t done a hundred times before, there’s no reason for this to be hurting.

Except, he realises, it probably would have a hurt a human before. He just hadn’t been human. 

“Cas!”

“I’m fine, Dean” he whispers, smiling at the other. “Go on.”

Dean frowns at him and quickly scissors his fingers, drawing an unintentional gasp of protest from the man beneath him. Hearing it, Dean quickly stops and withdraws both fingers, leaving Cas empty but almost relieved about it. 

Dean pulls back, kneeling in front of Cas, close enough to be a comforting presence but no longer hovering over him.

“It’s hurting you.”

Cas almost denies it out of sheer instinct, but he stops himself; there’s no point in lying about it when Dean can see right through him.

“It’s different” he says quietly, an unwanted blush rising to his cheeks. “It didn’t feel that way before.”

“You think it’s different ’cause you’re human now?”

“I suppose.” Cas sits up, feeling too exposed lying down. “It’s never … hurt like that before.”

“God, I’m sorry, Cas” Dean murmurs, reaching out to stroke his partner’s knee. “I didn’t mean to...”

“I know, Dean. You have nothing to be sorry for” Cas says reassuringly, placing his hand over Dean’s. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have anticipated that things would be different as a human.”

“Hey, relax. You don’t have to say sorry either. A lot of stuff will be different now you’re human, it’ll just taking some getting used to.”

Dean knows that was the wrong thing to say somehow when Cas tenses a little and looks down, like he’s ashamed and a little bit scared. It’s not an expression the hunter likes on him.

“Cas, what’s wrong?”

The former angel is quiet for a moment before he replies, not looking up. “I don’t want to get used to getting hurt, Dean.” He meets Dean’s eyes for a split second before looking away again, face burning. “I know pain and pleasure have an odd relationship that some find enticing, but I don’t like it.”

“Hey, that’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t want to get hurt for pleasure, Dean.”

Dean takes a deep breath and sighs. He crawls over to sit next to the other and quickly pulls the blanket over their naked bodies, thinking that Cas probably feels incredibly open and exposed and wanting to give him some semblance of privacy. By now both their erections have gone down, anyway, dying when the mood did.

“Cas, listen to me. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Dean pauses, not continuing until the other looks at him. “I just meant that being human is gonna take some getting used to. The sex stuff … we’ll just figure it out as we go along.”

“What if we can’t?” Cas is worried and it shows in his voice. “What if it never gets better, Dean? What if it always hurts? I don’t want anything to change between us but if it always hurts when we try to...”

Dean reaches out as Cas trails off, clasping their hands together and stroking the other’s knuckles. 

“It won’t, Cas. We’ll go slow. We’ll … y’know, just keep trying. Guys do this all the time, right? None of them are angels. We’ll figure it out.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, Cas” Dean grins, stroking the other’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure.”

Cas nods, still uncertain but trusting Dean enough to at least try to believe him. 

Still, after the unexpected pain and the emotional turmoil that isn’t quite gone yet, Cas isn’t so sure he wants to try again so soon.

“Do we … do we have to figure it out right now, Dean?”

Dean pulls him half on top of his chest and presses a short kiss to the tip of his nose. 

“No, we’ll leave it for tonight” he says, linking his fingers with the former angel’s over his chest. “Let’s get some sleep.”

Cas smiles and presses a chaste kiss to the hunter’s lips in agreement, and settles down over Dean’s chest to sleep. With warm arms around him, the pain has faded, and Dean’s acceptance of the situation helps. 

Dean won’t hurt him, not like this. He knows that. And Dean’s right - humans do this all the time, the pain  _ has _ to be manageable. He can manage it. Now that he knows they’ll have to take it slowly and he knows to expect it, Cas is sure it’s possible. He can’t face it right now, but he will soon enough. 

Cas breathes a sigh of relief - and maybe a bit of regret that this is another obstacle of humanity - as he closes his eyes. 

“Dean?” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

The hunter’s arm tightens around him and warm lips press briefly to his forehead. “It’s okay, Cas.”

Cas smiles, knowing that Dean will feel it against his skin and won’t need any further response. Maybe this wasn’t their most successful night together, but it’s over. 

Tomorrow will be better. They’ll make it better. Cas still isn’t sure how they’ll get past this particular obstacle, but he trusts the hunter to make it happen somehow. 

With Dean’s help, even this part of humanity will get better. Dean will take care of him - that is something that he  _ is _ sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating whether to continue this one, if people are up for it. Thoughts? ^.^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to continue with this one. I think I'm kinda using this to explore Cas getting used to intimacy as a human...

It’s two days later when the two find themselves alone in Dean’s bedroom. The air is hot with anticipation and desire, but there is an underlying tenseness that hasn’t been present since their first time together.

At first it’s the same as ever. Dean shoves the ever-present trench coat off his shoulders and pins him to the bed, and Cas forgets his nervousness as he strips the clothes from the hunter’s body.

It’s not until the two are entirely undressed that Cas suddenly feels his heart begin to pound. This was where everything went wrong last time.

He doesn’t mean to tense up but he must have, because Dean leans up to hover over him with concern apparent on his face.

“You okay?”

“Yes, Dean. I just ... ”

“Cas, we don’t have to.”

“I want to, Dean” Cas says firmly, not wanting to give the hunter any cause to doubt him. “Go on.”

Dean hesitates before he leans a centimetre closer. “Alright. But Cas? If it hurts, you gotta tell me. Seriously. The _second_ it’s too much, you tell me.”

“I will. It might hurt a little at first, but it will get better, Dean.” Cas smiles.

Cas is confident when he leans up to meet Dean’s lips, trying to convey how much he trusts the hunter through the kiss. His nervousness hasn’t disappeared, but it’s incredibly reassuring to know that Dean will stop if it hurts this time. He trusts Dean to stop, just like he did last time.

He’s determined, though, that the hunter won’t have to stop this time.

Cas makes the first move this time, reaching down grab Dean’s ass and push him down to grind against him. The hunter gasps above him, and Cas pushes his hips up eagerly, spurred on by the discovery that this, at least, feels as good as it always has with Dean.

The two rut against each other leisurely, barely increasing the pace, for a few long moments, never letting their lips part. It takes twice as long as it usually does for Dean to slip a hand in between them, and he lingers on the skin of the former angel’s perineum for a few seconds before daring to slide his fingers further back.

One finger ghosts over Cas’ sensitive skin and he draws in a sharp breath. Dean’s finger is dry, and where he once would have pushed down eagerly Cas now tenses up involuntarily.

“It’s okay, Cas” Dean whispers against his throat, kissing down towards his chest. “You good?”

“Yes” Cas murmurs, relaxing as he sees Dean reach for the lube that’s been lying at the side of the bed. “Go ahead, Dean.”

The hunter grins, settling his lips firmly around Cas’ right nipple while his hands are busy opening the tube and coating his fingers. He presses one slick finger to the former angel’s entrance, flicking his tongue across his nipple to distract from the cool touch.

“Relax” Dean murmurs as he eases one finger inside.

Cas hears the gentle command but it doesn’t stop his body’s natural reaction - he tenses up and flinches away from the intrusion.

Dean halts instantly, his finger almost the full way inside, and pulls back to look down at the other’s face. He doesn’t pull his finger away, but he doesn’t try to push any further. Cas’ expression is conflicted, a mixture of discomfort and determination to see this through.

“You want to stop?”

“No” the former angel replies, swallowing hard. “Keep going. Please.”

Dean nods, starting to move that single finger in and out of the Cas’ body, alternating between sucking at the sensitive pressure point on his neck and watching the other’s face for signs of pain.

Cas tries to keep the pain from showing, and for the most part he succeeds. One finger is a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t really hurt; it just pinches a little. After a few moments of the rhythmic motion, he settles into the feeling, feels his body begin to welcome it.

Dean keeps up with just that one damn finger for longer than he has since their first time together - back then, Cas had simply flipped them over and proved to his new lover just how not breakable he was, a far cry from how he feels right now - and eventually Cas realises that Dean’s not going to go any further without permission.

“Dean, you can add another” he mutters, one arm flung over his eyes.

The hunter nods and presses a tender kiss to his lips before sliding a second finger in. This time it does hurt, and Cas gasps a little at the pressure.

“Cas?”

“I’m fine, Dean!”

“No, you’re not” the hunter sighs, starting to withdraw the fingers.

“Don’t! Leave them.”

“Cas, c’mon, man” Dean argues, ignoring the plea and removing both fingers. “I know it’s been a few days but it’s hurting you. That isn’t doing much for me, sunshine.”

It’s true - Dean’s erection has flagged noticeably, and Cas is surprised to find that angry tears form in his eyes when he notices. One spills down the side of his face and Cas turns away from Dean, ashamed enough that his cheeks flare red.

Dean must notice that, because suddenly the two are lying side by side and Cas is cradled in the hunter’s arms, warm hands running soothingly up and down his back. Cas clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes, determined not to cry about this.

“It’s okay, Cas” Dean says gently, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “We don’t have to. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Cas doesn’t respond, just screws his eyes shut tighter against the tears that desperately want to fall.

It’s not fair. Humanity was overwhelming and painful and terrifying as it was, and he’d thought that the one constant in his life would be his relationship with Dean. Now it’s getting in the way of even that.

Dean is a sexual creature, Cas has always known that. How long will the hunter want him now that he suddenly seems incapable of basic intercourse?

“ _Cas_! Come on, man, you gotta breathe!”

It’s only when Dean talks that Cas realises he’s gasping, not quite sobbing but something close to it, and Dean has obviously been trying to talk to him for a while now.

“Dean, I want to do this!” he snarls, because he _does_.

It’s not just that Dean likes sex, Cas has found that he does, too. Perhaps only with Dean, but that’s all that matters. He enjoys every moment of intimacy between them, and the thought of his stupid, delicate human body getting in the way of that enrages him.

He _won’t_ be held back by it. He refuses to let it ruin the closeness and pleasure he and Dean have found in one another again and again.

“Let’s try again” he growls, grabbing Dean’s still slightly slick hand and shoving it down towards his entrance. “Do it.”

“No way, Cas” Dean frowns, yanking his hand away. “What the hell’s wrong with you, man?”

“Maybe I just need to get past the pain, Dean” Cas says, a little desperately. “Maybe we should skip the fingers. If you just get inside, I’m sure my body will adjust to accommodate you.”

It sounds like a good idea. Get it over with faster, like ripping off a band aid - that was another human thing he had recently learned.

Dean, however, quite clearly disagrees. The look on his face isn’t eager; it is, in fact, nothing short of horrified.

For a moment, Cas is certain that the hunter is going to pull away from him, maybe even dress and storm out of the room. Dean surprises him, though. Instead of pulling away, Dean just rearranges them so that they once again lay calmly side by side, although this time he carefully curls one leg up around Cas’ hip. The anger is still there, Cas can see that much clearly, but Dean seems to have control over it for now, shoving it aside in favour of taking care of Cas.

“We need to figure this out slowly, Cas.”

“I thought that’s what we were doing” Cas murmurs, voice laced with shame. He knows Dean is angry that he didn't tell him immediately that it had hurt. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don't. I think we need to do some research, man. When you were an angel, we just kinda … dived right into it. Should’ve probably done the research in the first place.”

“There was no need.”

Dean nods and leans over to place an almost timid kiss to the other’s lips, and Cas grips at him, deepening the kiss instinctively when he feels their groins press together. Dean grunts softly and tightens his grip on Cas. He may be a little annoyed with the other man for not telling him about the pain right away - although in fairness, he hadn't really needed to be told verbally - but he understood the other's frustration with his human limitations.

Maybe comforting words aren't really what Cas needs right now. Maybe what he really needs is proof that things haven't been ruined between them physically - Dean's certain he can prove that much.

“We don’t need to figure it all out just now, babe” Dean whispers, sliding his hand slowly down the former angel’s back to rest on his ass and press them together. “We can take it easy. Doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun.”

Cas smiles and shoves his hips a little roughly against the hunter’s, determined to prove that he isn’t actually as delicate as he feels right now. The prickling feeling of shame dissipates a little at the realisation that he and Dean can still make love tonight, just in a slightly less intimate way.

Although with the way Dean cradles his jaw in one hand and runs the other all over his skin, Cas is pretty sure this qualifies as extremely intimate.

Dean’s understanding doesn’t quite lift the weight of shame and anger at his humanity from him, but the hunter’s careful rutting certainly helps. The fact that he and Dean can still do this much at least, can still find a way to bring one another pleasure, it means everything.

Their movements become quicker, less precise, as the pressure grows, and soon both are mindlessly rutting against each other, gasps and moans surrounding them. Cas nearly cries out when Dean finally slips a hand between them and strokes them together, and he just barely manages to gather his thoughts together enough to move his own hand down to join in.

Dean kisses him hard as he loses control, groaning into the kiss as he spills. Cas is only seconds behind, the slick, hot substance between them spurring him on with a throaty gasp.

Afterwards they both draw their hands away - Cas merely wipes his hand on the blanket while Dean grimaces and grabs a discarded shirt to clean them up a little - but they stay that way, sated and close, for a long time. Their lips are always in contact with some part of the other, one seeking reassurance and the other desperate to give it.

When they settle down to sleep, Cas wonders if he should say something, but Dean doesn’t seem to want to talk. He just curls around Cas, kisses his shoulder and holds him close while he drifts off. Cas is content to follow his lead.

It didn’t go as planned, and they both know it. Clearly just taking it slow won’t be enough - they’ll need to actually adjust their approach to penetration, it isn’t as simple for humans.

But they still got to be together, still got to love one another physically, and for tonight that will be enough. The rest they’ll figure out tomorrow. It’s a process, but it’s one that they’ve taken the first step to overcoming.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s several days before the issue comes up again. Cas stays in the bunker during that time, researching lore while Dean speeds off in the impala with Sam to work a case two states over.

Cas would have liked to go with them, but they knew a lot of research would be involved, and Cas is still far better at reading than he is at hunting. Sam and Dean are teaching him, but it’s a long, ongoing process.

By the time the brothers return, the bunker has started to feeling lonely, and Cas is stunned by how quickly humans become lonely. Despite his multiple phone calls to the brothers - usually to Dean, if he’s honest - it feels like forever since he was with them. In reality, it’s been five or six days.

Sam saunters into the bunker library first, dropping his bag carelessly and clapping Cas on the shoulder. It’s a brotherly greeting and it warms the former angel’s heart.

Dean follows, grinning broadly at Cas as he grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him into a tight hug. Cas closes his eyes and clings to the hunter for a moment before pulling back and asking how the hunt went, although he doesn’t really need to ask.

Dean’s thrumming with leftover adrenaline; it must have been a rigorous but successful hunt. Cas doesn’t need to listen to Dean’s slightly dramatic tale to know that the brothers were brilliant and the world now has one less vicious nest of vampires.

After he’s gone through the whole story and a couple of beer bottles, Dean casually slings one arm around his partner.

“I’m gonna hit the hay” he says, and he grins suggestively, starting to walk them both towards their shared bedroom. “Coming?”

Cas smiles and nods, not a shred of nervousness in him as the two make their way to the bedroom.

It’s only when the door closes and Dean pounces on him, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss, that uncertainty starts to build up.

There’s eagerness in the way Cas grips the hunter’s shirt, but his enthusiasm wanes in the kiss, and Dean pulls away.

“What?”

“It’s nothing, Dean” Cas says quickly, capturing Dean’s lips in an almost desperate way.

Dean turns his head away, arousal being drowned out by the uncertainty.

“You’re not up for this, Cas.”

“You are” Cas states simply, like that’s the end of things. “I’m ready, Dean. We can do this.”

“We haven’t done any research yet, man. We don’t...”

“I have” Cas interrupts.

Dean blinks in surprise - it’s kind of cute, in Castiel’s humble opinion.

“While you and Sam were away.”

“You were _supposed_ to be researching the case!”

“I did” Cas says, smirking as he admits that he had time to spare. “I found some techniques to … relax me. There are many useful discussion boards on the internet. I found several that were very helpful.”

Dean grins at the thought of Cas sitting at the laptop for hours on end, diligently researching all the tricks of intercourse between two men. He’s kind of glad the former angel had taken the initiative, though; it saves him for having to do it. There’s not much that makes you less in the mood than doing clinical research on sexual practices.

“How’d it go?” he asks, for lack of anything better to say.

“It was very informative” Cas replies. “I believe I’ve found several options.”

“I’m sure you have” Dean muttered, half amused and half exasperated.

“So. Shall we?”

Dean isn’t sure how to reply, and Cas isn’t interesting in waiting for him to find the perfect thing to say. Instead he pushes Dean down onto the bed and perches atop him, kissing him fiercely.

Dean, who usually takes the leading role in the bedroom, seems uncertain and hesitant. He doesn’t act, merely reacts, letting Cas dictate what they do. It’s both endearing and arousing, and Cas takes full advantage.

He isn’t nervous now. He knows Dean won’t hurt him and he knows exactly what’s going to happen tonight. They won’t be doing everything, it won’t be what it was was before. But it will be better than the past couple of attempts and that’s all that matters.

They’re both full undressed before Dean stops to think about what’s happening, pulling away from a heated kiss to stare hard at his partner, one hand gently cupped round the former angel’s jaw.

“Cas, you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Of course, Dean” Cas smiles, pressing their hips together and grinning broadly at the gasp the action pulls from the hunter. “My research has proven that the best way to do this is to take it in stages. We already did stage one.”

“We did?”

“The last time, before the hunt” Cas clarifies, and Dean nods in understanding. “The key is to … do more every night.”

“Right.” Dean grins in the way he does when he’s a little bit embarrassed and a lot aroused. “Cas? How am I supposed to know what to do when you haven’t told me what your, uh, _research_ said?”

Cas leans down and gently kisses Dean’s lips, lingering there so that when he speaks their lips brush. “You just trust me.”

Dean’s arms come around his shoulders in response, initiating the searing kiss this time while still letting Cas have control. He has no idea what the so-called research was about and the thought of hurting Cas is still worrying him, but he is aching for this and there’s not a cell in his body that doesn’t trust Cas.

Dean doesn’t try to flip them over, content to let the other man stay on top. He’s sorely tempted to move when Cas discretely slides the lube into his hand but he doesn’t. He just arches an eyebrow in question.

“One finger, Dean.”

Dean nods in understanding and works one solitary finger into the angel. Cas is relaxed enough around the digit, though his breathing is methodical.

The single finger doesn’t hurt. It feels odd, definitely far more noticeable than one ever had been as an angel. He doesn’t let himself focus on that, though, just focuses on _feeling_. Cas shifts slightly to encourage the hunter to move his hand, and when he does Cas wraps his own hand around Dean’s hard length, stroking slowly.

Dean catches on quickly. He moves that one finger in and out, increasing the speed when Cas starts moving his own hand more quickly.

It’s only a few minutes before Cas gasps and slams down against his hand, and Dean grins as he realises he’s hit the other’s prostate. He has some trouble reaching it with one finger and his hand is cramped uncomfortably from the effort of doing so but he ignores that; it’s easy to ignore the discomfort when he focuses on the look on his lover’s face.

By the time they’re both close they’re moving quickly, their hips rutting together into Cas’ hand and their lips locked together. Cas grinds his own hardness into Dean’s, his hand easing the way, and the combination of that and the stimulation inside is freeing.

Dean’s hand is positively aching but he doesn’t let up, going as deep as he can to try and pull another pleasured gasp from the former angel.

He’s relieved that Cas comes first, an unrestrained moan resounding around the room as he does. His hand falters around Dean and the hunter bites his lip in frustration, but it doesn’t last long - after a few moments Cas’ hand is moving faster than before and Dean holds out for only half a dozen strokes before he’s following.

Dean withdraws his finger afterwards, rolling Cas gently off of him and onto his side. They lie side by and side and grin at one another, both sated and pleased to realise that for the first time since Cas became human, they have been together without pain or tears.

“Your research is enlightening” Dean mutters, only a hint of sarcasm managing to sneak into his tone. “Gold star for you.”

“It does seem to work.” Cas sounds smug but Dean doesn’t call him out on it; he’s too satisfied right now to care. “If it keeps working, we should try two fingers next time.”

Dean nods, not replying. Two fingers is where it always seems to go wrong now. He’s not about to point it out, though. That’s a problem for the next time, and he’s more optimistic now. If Cas really has been doing research, maybe the next time will be better.

Cas seems confident. Dean pulls his lover against him, kissing him soundly, and silently decides to put his faith in Castiel once again.


	4. Chapter 4

This time it’s less than a day before they find themselves taking things to the next level. Dean wakes up before the alarm goes off; it’s before six in the morning and Cas is still curled up asleep next to him.

Dean tiredly rubs the heel of one hand over his eyes, tightening his other arm around Cas. He smirks when he feels Cas shift against him - the action presses his erection against Dean’s thigh. They’re both still naked from the night before, and Dean purposefully shifts his leg to give his lover something to press against. Cas makes a content noise, still asleep, and his hips move forward in search of friction.

Dean grins and pulls his leg away a little, teasing his unconcious lover. Cas grunts in displeasure and ruts forward, his hand on Dean’s waist pulling him closer. Dean lets him, and suppresses a laugh when Cas’ hips don’t stop moving. The former angel is still sleeping but nonetheless enjoying himself, getting harder as he ruts against Dean’s thigh. Dean can feel himself hardening but he’s content to just enjoy watching Cas for the moment.

Cas moves faster for a few seconds before his eyes open, blearily at first. His hips still, and Dean bites his lip to stop himself laughing at the instant blush that spreads across Cas’ cheeks. He knows exactly what he was just doing.

“Morning” Dean smirks.

“Dean, I didn’t...”

“You were asleep, man.”

Cas nods once and blinks himself awake. Dean shifts his thigh again, deliberately, and Cas sucks in a sharp breath. His eyes stay locked on Dean’s when he thrusts his hips forward, this time entirely on purpose.

Dean only lets it go on for a few moments before he grabs Cas and turns him onto his back, instantly pressing them together. He wastes no time in grinding against Cas, taking the other man’s jaw in his palm and joining their lips. Cas’ arms come around him and hold him tight.

“Been a while since we had morning sex” Dean says against the other’s lips. “Forgot how hot you are in the morning.”

“Dean, please!” Cas gasps. “I want it.”

Dean groans at that. It’s been a long time since Cas woke up this aroused. He’s prone to it, more so than Dean is. God, Dean loves it.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes” Cas growls, and he wraps his legs around Dean’s waist. “I want you inside me. Right now!”

“Thought we were taking it slow?” Dean murmurs, slowing down his grinding.

Cas doesn’t respond. Instead he just slides his hand over to the bedside table where the tube of lubricant is still lying from last night and coats a finger in it. Dean instinctively lifts off him a little so Cas can get his hand where it needs to be. He slides a finger in slowly, and Dean’s breath hitches as he watches the former angel’s eyes close in pleasure.

It feels easier than last night. His finger slides in more easily, and Cas vaguely wonders if he’s still slightly loosened from the night before. It’s not _enough_ , not the way it was when he was still an angel, but it’s good. It’s good like it was last night.

“Stop.”

Cas frowns, his wrist stilling with one finger halfway inside him. “What?”

Dean gently takes that same wrist and pulls it away. He takes both wrists in one hand and pins them above Cas’ head. He kisses Cas hard, distracting him while he lubes up his own finger and slides it into Cas. Cas grunts and his wrists flex in Dean’s other hand, instinctively spreading his legs further.

“More, Dean” he whispers. “I’m ready.”

Dean pulls away a little so he can look Cas in the eye, and only smiles reassuringly when he’s sure that Cas means it. He pulls his hand away and grins when Cas frowns at him.

“Dean...”

“Relax, Cas. I gotcha.”

He releases the other’s wrists and slides down, pressing kisses along his partner’s torso, nipping at the skin and skimming his tongue over hardened nipples. He presses a couple of kisses to Cas’ erection before he pulls away.

“Turn over.”

The former angel’s eyes darken and he turns over, trusting Dean completely. He knows what’s coming, but it’s still a shock to his system when Dean parts his cheeks and swipes his finger across his entrance to rub off most of the lingering lubricant. It’s not the flavoured stuff, and Cas is surprised Dean’s willing to attempt this without it, but he’s not complaining.

Dean can’t stop the smirk that comes when his tongue touches Cas’ vaguely swollen rim and he feels his lover jolt. Cas gasps as Dean’s tongue works against him, and when it finally breaches him he lets himself moan.

Dean takes him by the hips and angles him to his liking, getting the best angle to work his tongue in and out, reducing Cas to a groaning mess on the bed. His toes are curling against the mattress and it’s not long before he’s hard enough to hurt.

“Dean, please, I can’t...”

Dean’s mouth is preoccupied, so he simply responds by pulling Cas up further and getting a hand beneath him to take hold of his swollen dick, pulling firmly the way that he knows Cas likes. Cas moans loudly and comes with a cry of Dean’s name, pressing forward into the friction like his life depends on it.

Dean sits back on his heels, adjusting his slightly sore jaw and grinning at the way Cas sags into the mattress, sated and tired.

Dean is planning on jerking himself off to the sight, but to his surprise Cas almost instantly leans up on his elbows and smiles with shaky lips.

“I still want you, Dean. Inside me.”

The hunter’s breath catches and he nods sharply, grabbing the lube and wasting no time in working a finger back into Cas. With his recent orgasm the former angel is pliant in his hands, and Dean feels confident enough to try working a second finger in.

Cas gasps when he does, and Dean stills instantly - that was a sound of more pain than pleasure. He goes to move that finger out but Cas’ hand reaches back quickly and grabs his wrist.

“No! It’s okay, Dean, it’s good. I just need a moment.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. Just … give me a minute to adjust.”

Dean frowns a little but he does as he’s told, and when Cas tells him to move again he does. He pays close attention to every little movement in his partner’s body, twisting his neck a little so he can see the side of Cas’ face where it lies against the pillow, watching for any little signs of pain.

But he doesn’t see them. After the initial burn, the pain dissipates and Cas sinks into the familiar feeling of being stretched.

It’s different now. He can still feel the burn in a way he never could when he was an angel, but it’s not like it was when he first became human. It’s not that the initial pain has left, but it’s not unbearable like it was before. Maybe the orgasm he just had helped; maybe it’s just that he’s getting more used to being slowly loosened up, the human way.

Dean works his two fingers until they hurt, and Cas slowly relaxes beneath him. The scissoring motion stops being painful after a while and starts feeling a little more like it did before. It’s not enough to get him off, but it’s nice. Eventually, though, it’s not enough; it stops feeling good and starts feeling plain frustrating.

“Dean, please, more” Cas whispers.

“You sure?”

“ _Yes_!”

Cas had been intending for this to be a gentle incline, for him to take one finger last night and two this morning and three the next night; he'd planned to take it slow. But now that he knows to expect the pain, he's finding that it's easier to work through. Dean is careful and they're both prepared, and it feels so damn good. He wants to at least try to take Dean inside him. As soon as the thought occurs to him he's desperate to try it, wants to be that close to the hunter.

Somehow Dean knows what he's thinking without him saying anything more. Dean swallows hard, and grabs the base of his dick and squeezes hard. He’s too close and doesn’t want to come yet. He leans forward and mouths at his lover’s neck, taking his other hand and working another finger into Cas.

Cas gasps at the burn, though it’s not unexpected. He bites his lip and breathes through it, consciously forcing himself to relax. Dean’s hands are busy but he leans forward to gently press his lips to Cas’ lower back, lingering there reassuringly.

“Keep going?” he mutters, his voice strained.

Cas just nods in response, and Dean works his fingers carefully inside him, stretching him as carefully as he can.

It’s different for him, too, Dean realises. When Cas was an angel he’d barely prepared him, and he’d usually been a bit rougher about it. Now, though, he’s too focused on not hurting his lover. After all the pain he’s caused Cas over the years, he refuses to hurt him now. This is one of the few ways he’s never managed to hurt Cas, and he doesn’t intend to start now.

Cas whimpers into the pillow and Dean freezes.

“Cas? You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound...”

“ _Dean_!” Cas gasps, and he reaches back to push the hunter’s hands away. Cas turns over and stares up at Dean, flushed and breathing heavily. “I’m _fine_. It was good this time, it didn’t hurt.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure, Dean” Cas murmurs, leaning up on his elbows to kiss him. “It felt _good_. It was starting to feel … like before.”

Dean blinks and then grins as he realises that he misinterpreted Cas’ little whimper. It hadn’t been a whimper of pain, it had been a _desperate_ whimper. Cas never tended to make noises like those during sex, which was why Dean had panicked, but on the rare occasions he did it was always because he was so incredibly turned on that he couldn’t help himself.

God, Dean’s never been more glad to hear that desperate little sound.

Dean leans forward and cups his lover’s face in both hands, crushing their lips together. He can feel his own blood rush south and judging by how hard Cas is against him, he’s ready to move this along.

“Cas … you sure? You want to try it?”

“Definitely” Cas says against his lips. “Do it!”

Cas goes to turn over, but Dean stops him with a hand on his hip.

“I want to see you” he whispers. “You think you can handle it on your back?”

Cas smiles and spreads his legs wider. “Of course.”

Dean grins, presses another kiss to those permanently chapped lips and reaches for a condom and the lubricant. He’s generous in coating both himself and Cas before he lines himself up.

Wanting to be absolutely certain, Dean meets the other’s eyes. “You ready?”

Cas rolls his eyes and reaches down instead of responding, gently taking hold of Dean and pressing down against him. Dean’s eyes widen and he moves forward as Cas guides him inside his own entrance, his eyes scrunching shut at the pressure.

Dean stops with only the head in, frowning at the look on the former angel’s face. “You okay?”

“You feel bigger.”

Well, Dean can’t pretend like he isn’t going to take that as a compliment, no matter how Cas meant it. Still, he’s nonetheless concerned that this is a bit much for Cas.

“Cas, we got a lot further than we have before. We don’t have to do this right now.”

“I want to, Dean” Cas whispers. “Just go slow.”

Dean does. It’s almost physically painful for him to go as slowly as he does, and he’s terrified that he’ll come before he’s even fully inside, but he bites his lip and holds out. He gasps when he’s finally fully inside. It isn’t until he’s here that he realises how much he’s missed this.

Cas takes a few deep breaths, adjusting to the intrusion. Dean’s thicker than just his three fingers, and longer with it. He wonders for a split second if this is maybe too much, but he refuses to back out now. There was a time when he could take Dean inside with no trouble and he can’t let his humanity take that from him. He hasn’t forgotten how connected to the hunter he feels with Dean inside him like this, how complete he feels.

Humanity has taken his grace and his wings, and a disproportionate part of his self worth and his identity. He _refuses_ to let it take this away from him as well.

And Dean is wonderful. He has to be so hard that it hurts but he holds still where he is, waiting for Cas to be ready. He doesn’t move until Cas trails his hands from his shoulders to his ass, leaning up to kiss him at the same time.

“You can move, Dean.”

The hunter kisses him gently and tentatively rolls his hips, slow and careful. Cas breathes deeply, feeling the drag and the pressure, and he waits impatiently for it to stop feeling like an intrusion and start feeling pleasurable. The fingers hadn’t felt good at first but it got better - he knows this will too.

Dean is gentle, leaning down to wrap his arms around Cas and hold him as his lips move firmly but carefully inside him. Cas curls his arms around Dean’s back and lets his legs bracket Dean, working his hips back against him.

Their lips move together as their hips settle into a rhythm, slower than what they’re familiar with but somehow just what they both need.

“How’s it feel?”

“It’s perfect, Dean” Cas whispers.

And it is. It does still hurt, a little bit, but Cas knows from his extensive research that the pain is part of it when you’re human. He hadn’t understood that when he’d read about it, but he does now. It hurts a little but the pleasure builds and builds, and that’s _why_ it’s good. He gets to feel the pleasure overcoming the pain, bit by bit, until the pain is negligible and he can only focus on how _good_ Dean feels inside him.

It’s not just the physical feeling, it’s how thoughtful and careful Dean is being, even now. Even as they start moving faster, he can feel Dean’s eyes on him, watching for any signs that this is too much for him.

“I love you” Cas whispers. “I love you, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes mist over a little before he blinks three times to clear it, and he slows a little so he can meet Cas’ lips, trying to put into the kiss everything he’s rarely able to put into words “You too, Cas.”

Cas pulls Dean against him again and thrust his hips back hard against Dean, starting to want it to be faster now that the pain is receding. Dean gets the message and mouths at Cas’ neck as he speeds up, clutching Cas to him desperately.

Cas is just thinking that this almost feels like it used to when Dean finally hits his prostate, and he groans loudly at the unexpected spike ot pleasure.

“ _There_ , Dean, please” he gasps.

“I gotcha, Cas” Dean groans. “Gonna make you come so hard, angel!”

“Yes, Dean!”

Their hips thrust frantically against one another, losing the rhythm in favour of speed, and the bed frame creaks in protest. Gasps and groans drown out the squeaks, and it isn’t long before they reach their peak.

“Dean, I’m going to...”

“Christ, me too. Come on, Cas” Dean growls, moving one hand down to grip Cas’ hardness and jerk him roughly.

Cas cries out and comes across their stomachs, gasping and gripping Dean’s shoulders tightly. Dean holds out only a few moments longer and then comes with an almost pained grunt, thrusting hard into Cas and pressing his face into his lover’s neck while his hips work through the aftershocks.

Afterwards they both find themselves panting and kissing, their tongues twining lazily. Dean pulls out of Cas carefully, not missing the way Cas frowns at the pulling sensation.

Dean shifts so that when he collapses he doesn’t fall on top of Cas but rather next to him. Cas hums contently and rolls onto his side so he can wrap an arm around Dean’s waist, and he presses tired kisses to Dean’s chest.

Dean curls an arm around him and strokes his arm.

“You alright, Cas? I didn’t hurt you?”

“No. You were wonderful.”

Dean snorts but he’s smiling. “Good.”

“I mean it, Dean.” Cas leans up so he can look his lover in the eye. “Thank you. That was perfect.”

“Yeah, okay” Dean mutters, shutting Cas up with a kiss.

Cas smiles to himself. He has a whole speech prepared for Dean, could go into great detail about why he would never have been able to do this as a human with anyone but him - perhaps not even as an angel - but he doesn’t say anything. He knows Dean well enough to know that Dean will listen to it all and then brush it off, and Cas doesn’t want to ruin the night by bringing Dean’s issues to the front.

This morning has been too good to waste on an argument or old discussions. For now Cas will let it go.

Cas just smiles and kisses Dean again. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, Cas” Dean whispers, his hand rising to cradle the former angel’s cheek.

Later neither of them would be able to say for sure how long they lay together like that, exchanging lazy kisses and compliments. Dean holds Cas against him and Cas curls around him, and they stay curled around one another until they finally crawl out of bed in the early afternoon.

There's little change the same day, but the next morning Cas is a bit sore and if one were to look at him too closely they’d catch the slightest limp to his walk. But Cas is pleased to discover that there’s no serious lingering pain. Dean was too careful for that.

He goes about his day with a proverbial spring in his step, and for the first time since he became human, Cas thinks that maybe one day, being human will be just as fulfilling as being an angel.

At least in the bedroom.


End file.
